Tuesday, January 27, 2015

In which I become a hamster...

I've been struggling lately. A lot. I feel like most of my life I have just been a hamster stuck on a wheel. I'm running, but not going anywhere, not making any progress. Lately I'm more of a hamster just standing on a wheel. My little hamster brain has suddenly realized that for all the running I have done, I haven't gotten anywhere. The problem is, I WANT to go somewhere, I want to do things, big things. I feel, know, deep in my heart that I am SUPPOSED to be doing something BIG with my life. I have some important role to fill, but I just don't know what it is. I have so many ideas, so many possibilities, but I just don't know where to start. My hamster self has been stuck in a box with an infinite amount of different paths, all that in all likelihood lead somewhere great, and at least lead SOMEWHERE, but I'm so overwhelmed that instead of just picking one, I am frozen. Stuck, maybe too scared to head out into one of those unknown paths and see what is waiting. Lacking the confidence to even try one of those paths.

One quote I love, I can't remember if it is from a book or a movie, is something along the lines of , "What you want frightens you to death, which is why you fail to comprehend yourself." I believe that the quote is actually about a woman who has fallen in love with a man, but in life in general I think it is pretty accurate for a lot of us.

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