Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Leap of Faith/Two Roads

I interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcasting to bring you this post....

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;        5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,        10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.        15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.        20

Sometimes when starting down a new path, taken the road less, traveled, blazing a new path, etc. you find yourself in a situation where you have to take a blind leap of faith. Let's just pretend, hypothetically speaking, that you are a 27 year old female who has made a decision. You are currently living in your house, that you own and love. It is is a cute little two bedroom, full unfinished basement, on .59 acres where you are able to have your horse that you waited 17 years to get. You have beautiful sunsets from your front porch, a cozy little woodstove that keeps you warm in the winter and it is currently monsoon season with rain almost every day, releasing the scent of pine trees into the air. Sounds pretty nice, huh? Well, you also have a job, that while it doesn't pay great it pays the bills, which in today's economy is pretty amazing and you are grateful for it. You work for your dad and step-mom at the charter school they run and you have some very dear friends that you work with. While you believe in what the school does, it is not your dream, the job makes you miserable, there are some people you work with that well are definitely NOT very dear friends, and you are at the point where one more year working with family would not be good for your relationship with them. Unfortunately, your cozy little house is in a cozy little town with very little job opportunities, even less social opportunities, and while you are quite content being single, you wouldn't mind dating and being active (besides hiking). You are fortunate enough to have your mom and step-dad and very dear friends who live just under three hours away in the area you used to live in. So after several months, almost a year, of debating about moving back and applying for jobs in your career field (let's say Criminal Justice) you finally make the decision that are absolutely moving back and will take any job that pays decently. You will move in with your mom for the time being, rent your house out to a friend, able to store much of your stuff in a room in the basement and move once you have a job offer. Decision made!

Now, if you are like me, this simply making the decision is the hard part. You do not ever SIMPLY make a decision when it comes to something like this, that is life altering. You think about it, you pray about it, you examine it from every angle, weighing the pros and cons, researching different things, and consider things very seriously. However, you get to a point where suddenly, you no longer have a future tenant for your house, if you do find another tenant you will not be able to store your belongings in your house any longer, you still have not had any interviews and the idea of moving away with no job and your house sitting empty with no rent coming in is unsettling and disturbing. You are responsible with your money, you do not take money from others, you provide for yourself, but you KNOW that moving is the right thing, even though (hypothetically) today has been an emotional day stirring up doubt in you.

At this point you have to remind yourself that you cannot always have things perfectly laid before you. As much as you may want to have a perfect plan, if things are meant to work out, they will. Sometimes you just have to have a little faith and keep plugging along, and eventually it will all come together."And now as I said concerning faith-faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." Alma 32:21. I may not have a perfect plan/idea of what my future holds, but I know that for whatever reason(s) I am moving back to the heat of the Phoenix area. In the summer. All while taking this blinding leap of faith that things will work out. "Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." Moroni 7:42. I have faith that I am making the right decision and that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and in such I have hope that there is a plan and a purpose for my future.

My Geronimo that I adopted 4 years ago form the BLM. Ain't he pretty?

My cute cozy little house that I am leaving.

When I grow up I want to be....

Do you remember saying that? Or maybe you are like me and still say that, or "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up..."
 Maybe it was/is followed by something "acceptable" like a teacher or a lawyer or a doctor. Maybe it was something less "acceptable" like a dancer, artist, musician, etc. When we are little, we are allowed to have imagination and creativity, even taught in may cases that it is a good thing. It is good to pretend, good to imagine the impossible. So, when we are little it is "okay" to want to be a dancer or a basketball player, artist, author, musician, astronaut, etc. Once we are a little bit older, old enough that we should really be planning our lives it is no longer as cute and acceptable. We are told we cannot REALLY be a dancer. You will not make money/ will not make it as an artist, musician, professional athlete, etc. Suddenly, we start to doubt our passion, our desire, our dream, and all of our big plans go out the window. Now we start thinking, "Okay... I guess I could go to college and study... Math, or History, maybe Science. Or I guess I could be a teacher, or maybe I will study business", etc. Now, I am not saying that there are not those people who do dream of doing these things, there definitely are! I am speaking... (er writing to, I swear I am not sitting here on my couch talking out loud to non existent people. Although my dog would listen to me if I did. At least for awhile, I'm sure after awhile he would get tired of my ramblings.) Anyways! I am speaking to those of you, who like me, had more artistic/less usual dreams than others. Those of whose who had imaginative/unrealistic/unacceptable career dreams than others. We, at some point of time, rearranged our thinking and settled for something LESS than our dreams and goals.

Now, maybe some people settle on a new career path and stuck to it, some happy with their new path, others not happy, but still stuck on this path. Or, maybe you are like me and struck out on a new path, encouraged by others to do so, and muddled through it for several years in college, convincing yourself that this was your new dream. Then after many years of pushing forwards on this path you realize this was not your path and you were going to head off and find a new path! Then lo and behold you find a new path and strike out on it and think to yourself, "YES!!! I have found my path and my "destiny"." So you surge forward on this path, happy with it, but after awhile realizing that while yes you could be happy on this path, it is not your actual goal and dream. Once you realize this, you wonder what on this earth is keeping you from getting on a path towards your TRUE dream. Then maybe, just maybe you will start looking towards that path that will lead you there. Perhaps, along the way to that path, you recognize that there may not be an actual path already there, and it is up to you to start the beginning of that path.

For my nonexistent readers I will tell you that this is where I am, starting the beginning of my path toward my own particular dream and goal.

By the way, this is my dog, and he would much rather be exploring outside rather than sitting listening to me ramble to no one. :)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

New Leaf

“The chief beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it in advance.
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you,
as perfect, as unspoiled,
as if you had never wasted or misapplied
a single moment in all your life.
You can turn over a new leaf every hour
if you choose.” 
― Arnold Bennett

Do you ever feel like time has passed you by, you've wasted your past, that you are not where you want to be in life? Or is it just me? I have moments where I sit and look at my life and think, "Here I am 27 (for five days) and what have I really DONE with my life? I know at times the thought crosses my mind that I am so far away from where I want to be and what I want to be doing that there is not enough time to get there, so what is the point in even trying. Depressing? Yes, it really is. I have to remind myself that while I may not be exactly where I want to be in life, I have done so much. And really, life is not over at 27, or 30, 40, 50, or even 60. Frankly, I am kind of excited for 30. For some reason I think that at 30 maybe I will stop getting the "Oh, you're still practically a BABY!" when people find out how old I am.

I love the quote above, especially that last sentence, "You can turn over a new leaf every hour if you choose." It is never too late to start anew and have a New Beginning.